The Duel
by Truro
Summary: Algie develops an attraction to Pinky. His attempts to seduce her blow up in his face, when Derby finds out and challanges him to a duel. How can he get out of this one? Can Jimmy save the day? Though the bigger question is WILL Jimmy save him?
1. Chapter 1

The Duel

By Truro

Chapter 1

On a clear day, with a warm cobalt sky, Algernon Papadopulos strolled through the gates of Bullworth academy, bringing his mission to the comic book store to a successful conclusion. Or so he thought.

'Hey nerd! You just bought some new diapers?'

Biff, the school boxing champion, and heir to a vast fortune, popular among his fellow preppies, blocked Algie's path back to the boy's dorm.

At his Anti-nerd attitude, and unfounded insult Algie's plump face began to redden.

'No!' said Algie 'How could I fit a pack of diapers into this little bag?'

'You can if they're for your Barbie!' laughed Biff.

Biff approached, admiring his reflection in Algie's glasses, and intent on taking the flat paper bag.

Fearing the worst, Algie held the bag behind his back with one hand, and backed away. Biff's distance closed. By now, he was so close that the nerd would have smelled his antagonist's aftershave, if the smell of fear, from under his belt hadn't just become noticeable.

'Looks like those extra large diapers would have come in handy!' Biff extended his huge arm, with its grappling claw.

Quick as an obese flash, Algie whipped a sachet of itching powder out of his pocket, and burst it on his oppressor.

As fast as his short, stubby hooves could carry him, Algie made a dash for the library.

One of the most fatal mistakes one can make, Algie soon discovered, was thinking an obese, bespectacled specimen with a weak bladder could outrun a trained boxer, who religiously jogged five miles every morning.

His laces coming undone, Algie tripped. His foot fell behind him, and he hit the hard stone with a crash. His spectacles flew off his face.

Tears building in his eyes, he turned onto his back and saw the blurred image of Biff drawing closer, and then taking flight with a high yell, in a tiger-like pounce.

With a high pitched shriek, Algie brought his hands to his face, protecting his second least favourite place to be hit.

A crunch was heard. Yet Algie felt no pain.

'Aw, did the big baby fall down, and go boom?' a voiced, bitterly coated with mock affection greeted Algie's ears instead of the snapping of his own bones. He noticed that the mockery wasn't in Biff's voice. Hearing Biff's voice emit the typical groan of pain, that he himself spouted a moment ago, he also realised that the insult hadn't necessarily been aimed at him.

'What do you think you're doing Hopkins?' That voice was definitely Biff's.

Algie felt around for his glasses, and placed them back on his nose. Biff was picking himself off the ground, and making a face like thunder, (though Algie couldn't see it) at the third person.

Jimmy Hopkins was a juvenile delinquent, who had recently enrolled at Bullworth. A fearless brawler, who seemed to prefer making enemies to beat up, than friends to play cards with.

Jimmy shrugged his broad shoulders, 'You suck so much at pretending to be a tough guy that you deserve a beating.'

With a growl, Biff pounced at Jimmy, who raised his boxing guard.

'You owe me for this Algie!' said Jimmy, grinning with anticipation.

Algie made the rest of his dash to the library, wondering how much Jimmy would want. Jimmy was a loner, but he had actually helped the nerds, when he would benefit.

None the less, Algernon did feel a trifle concerned for his rescuer, when he heard 'Stop that, evildoers! Or else I'll beat the pair of you!' the battle cry of Seth. The hugest, meanest, stupidest prefect with Super Hero delusions you could ever meet.

Algernon hoped that Jimmy had the good sense to run away. Or at least had some kryptonite handy.

Finally, he entered the library. Sanctuary of the Nerds, where no jerk ass jock would ever dare to enter.

He went to a secluded corner, to open the package he bought. He couldn't let anyone see his secret weapon before the big Grottos and Gremlins match tonight.

However, the corner was not so secluded at it usually was. This time, he saw something that was as rare as a solar eclipse. The odds of seeing it were about one in five hundred. And yet, there it was, sitting in front of him, plain as day.

A girl? In the library?

Females of the species had been known to use the library, but never this one who sat on his usual chair, at the corner table. She radiated the sweet blossoming sent of vanilla perfume, and she was dressed in the latest designer Aquaberry vest, over a shirt so white and clean you'd think she was a newly opened games consol, ready to play its first disk. Her slender arms bent on the table, while her small hands massaged her skull. Her hair was hazelnut. Chocolate brown and soft, with a velvet texture.

As she strained at her book, she emitted a distressed moan.

For the first time, seeing a real damsel, in potential distress, Algie leapt at the opportunity.

'Are you okay?'

She turned to face him. And what a face she had indeed. As finely formed and delicate as sculptured marble. Her hazelnut brown eyes were moist with tears.

'**Do I **_**look**_** like I'm okay**?'

Algie froze. He had such little experience talking to girls who _didn't_ run for the hills when he showed up. Talking to one who was in such a state was indeed a challenge for our intrepid protagonist. He raised his hands, in the defensive position; he was so used to performing.

Her expression softened. She no longer had the face of a territorial she-wolf, but the face of a lost little puppy.

'I'm sorry.' She said. 'It's just that none of these books make any sense.'

She motioned her hand, like a beautiful game show assistant, showing him the books of chemistry.

'What part don't you understand?'

'I can't make heads or tails out of any of this!'

Algie looked at the books. They were actually pretty simple considering he knew how to make fire crackers, stink bombs and itching powder with the chemistry set in his room.

'No offence.' He said, 'But why are you getting so worked up over simple chemicals?'

'**I am a princess!'** she pounded the table, 'And do you know what happens to Princesses who disappoint the king? They can forget about owning a race horse, for a start!'

'I-I-I could help you if you like!' the words shot out like bullets from a machine gun, he rashly picked up, touched the trigger like an idiot, panicked, and held it down, like an even bigger idiot..

One of his bullets apparently hit their target, because Pinkie's hysterical expression faded into a hopeful wide-eyed delight.

'You can translate this stuff?'

'Sure! I've read most of those from cover to cover!' and he took a seat next to her.

For all Algie's flaws (Obesity, lack of fashion sense, weak bladder, and being a mummy's boy) he knew more about polymerisation and the elemental chart than most of the jocks knew about football. Only Chemistry for Dummies could have given Pinky a clearer explanation of the subject.

When she finished taking notes, she stood up.

_Wow. She's tall. _Thought Algie.

Her hand went to the diagonal zip pocket on her skirt, drawing Algie's attention directly to her long legs.

_Whoa…_

She wove a 20 bill and handed it to the boy.

'Thank you _so_ much! I'd kiss you if you didn't have acne! So here's some money instead.'

Algie was frozen. This was better than a dream.

Pinky picked up her note book and headed for the door.

'Okay, I'm going back to the dorm to work on my report. Thanks again!'

It took Algie twenty minutes to recover from the shock. A high maintenance girl actually talked to him! Not only did she talk to him, she actually _thanked_ him, and said she could have kissed _him!_

Bubbling over, Algernon skipped to the nearest phone booth to call mommy, and tell that her little Prince Algie had found his Princess.

However, that was Algie's mistake- Mistaking gratitude for affection, and confusing affection for attraction.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

What's the best way to get a woman's attention? Buy her gifts, and write poetry for her? I doubt it. Maybe if it's your wife, she may melt at the sight of flowers, but not a girl you only just met, and who didn't even bother to ask for your name.

It is, none the less, the only method of seduction that Algie knew. If he was able to get through to his mother, she could have advised him on the matter. However, in all the excitement of actually talking to such a beautiful girl, Algernon had forgotten that his mother was on vacation that week. So it looked like it was down to our hero's own judgement.

In order to put a present such as a box of chocolates in her locker, he'd have to crack it first. That was illegal, and left the locker impossible to fully close again with out the key. In such a rough school as Bullworth, that was likely to get the chocolate snatched faster than you can say 'A mars a day helps you work rest and play'.

So he decided to try a love poem, since that could easily be slipped through the locker door.

All nerds are sneaky, at Bullworth Academy. So after a brief spurt of stalking, Algernon finally managed to find Pinky's locker. After planting the envelope, he hid around the corner, when he saw her approach. Once she swooned at his writings, he would appear from around the corner, and present her with the flowers. _Perfect_ he thought. _This'll melt her faster than grilled cheese._

Pinky opened her locker, and saw the envelope. Her thin brows raised, and her nutty brown eyes wide, she opened it.

Algernon's heart began to beat faster. His ears itched with anticipation.

He peaked round. The puzzled expression on her face was the epitome of inviting.

Her lips opened. She was about to comment!

'This handwriting is terrible!'

Okay. So maybe it wasn't the best calligraphy ever, but she could have given him points for the creativity of his writing.

_Lovely little dumpling, _

_How in love I am._

_Let me be your shepherd boy, _

_You can be my lamb._

The poem was taken from one of the top British comedies. There was no way that a high class lady would be able to resist.

'What does it say, Pinky?' one of her super rare non-rich friends peered over her shoulder.

'I'm not sure, Christy.' She held it up to the redhead's face. Green eyes, scanning the note, Christy tried to read aloud.

'_Lonely little dum…_dum…dump truck? _How I live in ham. Let me be your…_I think it says Shepard's pie. _Let me be your shepherd's pie, you can be my lump._'

'It's lamb, you noo noo head!'

Algie realised too late, that he should have controlled his outburst, but he worked so hard for that poem. He stayed up for hours searching the video store's imported comedy videos for a good pick-up poem!

'Who's there?' Pinky called.

Algie had to flee. He couldn't let his Princess know that he was behind the stupidity she had witnessed first hand.

'Come back here!' that was Christy's voice.

Algie sped up. If either of the girls caught him, it would all be over. Christy was Bullworth's biggest gossip. If she found out about his campaign, everyone would know in an hour.

_Why did I have to call her a noo noo head? _he internally sobbed, turning a corner a little too fast, and slipping onto his face. The sound of Christy's footsteps grew closer. She was sure to catch him now!

If he wasn't so frightened, he would have been quite annoyed at the irony of the Jocks stuffing him into lockers everyday. Now that he needs to hide in one, none of those football hooligans were anywhere to be found. She was about to turn the corner! He could hear her footsteps, as if she were walking over him that moment! There was nothing else for it. The window! Algernon sprang at the open window, like a frog, evading a hungry snake. He slammed into the wall, and toppled out onto the balcony.

'He sure got away fast.' said Christy, who failed to notice that the window was big enough for a fat guy to squeeze through.

'Must be one of those jocks.' said Pinky 'They're the only ones stupid enough to write stuff like this. And I thought being a cheerleader would be fun.'

Algie made two mental notes. The first was to always use a computer printer for sending poetry. The second was to try a present this time.

Pretty flowers for a pretty girl, is one of the oldest tricks in the book. There have been more instances of boys exchanging a bouquet for a peck on the cheek, in fiction than there are grains of sand of a beech.

_Now,_ he pondered _how to give them to her…_

As afternoon English class went on, he gave it some thought.

He couldn't break into her locker to plant the present, for the reasons already mentioned. So what to do with them? He needed to place the flowers somewhere he knew she could find them. It would also have to be somewhere safe, so no one could sabotage his plans.

The bell rang. School was out

'Remember your homework for tonight!' said Mr Galloway, the teacher. 'Read the next chapter of Mice and Men, and write a report on George's emotional journey.'

Home. How Algernon wished he could go home. He couldn't wait to show Mommy his new love interest. Instead he had to sleep in that filthy dorm with all those smelly…

_Dorm…that's it!_

The girl's dorm was opposite to the boy's dorm, in terms of location relating to the main gate, and the fact that the staff actually took the time to clean it. Or so Algie had heard. This was unknown territory. Legend has it that any boys found in the girl's dorm were scourged, and then buried alive for threatening the sanctity of a House of the Vestals.

To make sure he went unrecognised, so they couldn't track him down, to fulfil their terrible revenge, he had to disguise himself. One quick trip to the comic book store later, he came back in a werewolf mask.

'You look so lame in that!' said one of the younger kids. Our hero (I use that term loosely) was oblivious. Edging towards the dorm, he looked in every direction, to ensure the cost was clear. Then he went in through the front entrance.

The wallpaper appeared to be fresh, as pure and clean as snow. The floor was neatly tiled with diamond patterns, and a long pink carpet. He peered around the corner. The coast was clear. The problem now, was to identify which of these rooms was Pinky's. The first room he went in on all fours. He looked around. He saw a desk piled high with papers. Chemistry notes, mathematical equations, and a diary. This, he realised was the domain of Beatrice. The only female astronomy club member of the species, and the only girl known to play Grottos and Gremlins; long thought to be just a myth.

Prowling out of the room, he tried the next one. He sniffed. He was really getting into his wolf mask. The room reeked of cigarettes. Posters of motorcycles, and the men who ride them wallpapered the room. Lola, a biker girl was the obvious candidate for this room's occupant.

The third room he tried had a sweeter aroma. It was clean, and had a pile of designer clothes, neatly ironed, on the ready made bed. Algernon examined the pile of clothes. A pair of pink pyjamas crowned the top of the pile. _This must be Pinky's room!_ He thought, grinning under his mask. Now he could do the gentlemanly thing, and leave the flowers, and printed card. The sight of some of her underwear played on his beast instincts. Another side affect of the wolf mask? I doubt it.

'**What are you doing in my room, you little pervert!**'

Algernon jumped. That wasn't Pinky's voice.

_Not Christy again! _

The redhead shrieked, as she ran out of sight. Rumbled. And not even by the person he was trying to get the attention of. At Christy's screams, Mrs Peabody, the dorm matron sprinted down the hall, faster than a woman of her age should be able to move. Time to abort the mission! Algie burst through the fire escape, and retreated to the boy's dorm.

Once he was back at the safe house, Algernon slumped onto the sofa. He gave a great long moan. The poem had failed him; the flowers motif had blown up in his face. All he had left were the chocolates. If he messed this one up, then he'd have to head to the store to buy more. And those chocolates were pretty steep. He rolled onto his stomach, buried his face in the sofa, and gave another moan.

'What's with those weird noises?' it was Jimmy. Algernon explained everything to him. Jimmy rolled his eyes, and gave a sigh.

'For a nerd, you can be a real dumbass. Isn't the whole point of attraction to get the woman to _know you, _and not screw around with that secret admirer crap?'

Algernon flushed. 'W-well…! I-I want her to get interested over time, and then I'll revile myself, once my spots clear up!'

Jimmy shook his head.

'If you're so determined, then instead of trying to be a sneaky bastard, and failing miserably, then why don't you just ask someone else to do it for you?'

Our little Einstein felt the apple whack him on the head.

'Get someone else to do it…Its brilliant!' he dashed to his room, and brought out the box of chocolates; Top quality Thornton's.

'Would you do me a favour Jimmy…?'

'No way. I'm not your errand boy. Just get someone you can trust to do it, and cut the Ninja Turtle act.'

Algie pouted, as Jimmy gave a heavy sigh, and went to his own room, shutting the door behind him. .

'I was a ninja werewolf for your information…'

After looking around outside, Algie found Pedro, a first year student, and entrusted him with the vital mission. The little kids of Bullworth were ideal boy scouts and brownies. They always told the prefects when someone was up to no good, and were always honest and polite to the teachers. So if any of the schoolyard antagonists ambushed him, they'd be arrested on sight by the "ever vigilant" prefects.

Pedro arrived at Harrington House, the fraternity house donated by Mr Harrington, the school's chief benefactor, for his beloved son, and friends. Only those whose parents were among the Bullworth Vale social elite were welcome through the fine oak doors.

Pinky was stood next to a corner stone of the wall surrounding the entrance, like a castle moat. She was reading a book of poetry by Thomas Hardy, when she felt a tug on her skirt. She looked down to see Pedro grinning at her.

'You'd better have washed your hands before you came over here. This skirt cost more than your daddy's car.'

Unsure of what to say, Pedro fished the chocolates from behind his back, and presented them to her. She melted as she closed her book, and took the box.

'Aw thank you! That's so sweet!'

Blushing, Pedro scratched the back of his head. 'T-They're not really from me.'

Pinky took a couple of chocolates out of the box, and passed one to him.

'So who are they from?' she asked before placing the other in her mouth.

A cold hand gripped her shoulder, in a slow, but menacing fashion.

'Yes, my boy.' said a third deeper voice, 'Do tell us.'

Frightened, Pedro looked up at the older person, with well groomed hair.

'Why are you wearing your raincoat inside out?'

The figure laughed.

'It's a smoking jacket, you silly boy.' He then took it off, revealing an Aquaberry vest. and draped the jacket over Pinky's shoulders.

'Now, tell me who those chocolates are from…'

Later, Algernon was in the library, studying a book about male grooming. By now, the chocolates should have arrived, and it was time to start getting rid of all his imperfections. As he turned to a page about foods that can clear up pimples, the doors opened up, and in stepped a sinister looking young man, in an Aquaberry vest. His blonde hair was the epitome of well groomed. Algernon had seen him before with Pinky. He was her cousin, Derby Harrington; the richest rich kid in Bullworth Vale. He was flanked by two other boys in Aquaberry sweaters. One, he recognised as Biff.

'Which one of you is Algernon Papa-doppelganger? He said. Okay. So Pedro failed to keep it a secret. It couldn't be too bad. Maybe he wanted to give his blessing.

'I-Its, Papadopoulos, actually. And yes, I am he.'

Derby clicked his figures and pointed at him. His fellow Preppies marched towards Algie took him by the arms and lifted him up. Derby then stepped towards him, like an ancient roman lion, approaching a hapless Christian.

'So you're the one who's been stalking my fiancé. What made you think you actually had a chance with her?'

'Fiancé? I thought she was your cousin!'

'I'll have you know it's perfectly legal to marry your cousin. Perhaps _you_ should have tried it. It's the only way you could possibly get a date, since you have a face and body mass (not to mention a bladder problem) that only a mother could love!'

'Why are you being so mean to me?' Algie asked, struggling in vain against Derby's henchmen.

With a cruel smirk, Derby whipped out a white tuxedo glove and scourged Algernon's face with it.

'I challenge you to a duel. As the injured party, I chose both weapon and location. We meet at four o'clock, tomorrow at Harrington house.'

The two other Preppies dropped Algie onto his feet. The trio left the library, but not before Derby took one last look at his victim, and motioned his finger across his neck.

Algie stood speechless. Tears built up in his eyes, as the smell of fear wreaked from him.

The librarian came up to him, and shook her head behind him.

'I'd only just got your last stain out of the carpet'


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Derby's laugh thundered all around like an echoing roar. His black horse screamed with blind hate as it pounded the ground. Algernon ran. Derby's whip cracked like lightning, and singed just the same. He saw his mother's back. Mommy! She'd protect him! He called out to her. But she didn't turn. Had she not herd? Algie ran faster. But the greater his speed became, the farther away his mother appeared. He tripped. He rolled over and saw Derby and that horrible stallion, with blood lust in their eyes. The last thing he heard was Derby's laugh echoing all around.

Then he woke up in a puddle of sweat, and urine. He fixed his glasses on and turned on the light. He had to get out of the duel somehow. But the question was- How? He coulddn't call mommy to help him, while she was still on vacation.

Earlier he thought about just running away. But the Preppies would just track him down anyway. He couldn't tell the teachers, because Derby's father was the school's biggest benefactor, and they wouldn't hear a word against his son. He was really going to need some advice.

He walked down the dorm corridor, careful not to step on any loose floorboards, for fear of waking up the bullies. Finally, he came to the door he needed to knock. A groan came from inside, before a switch was clicked, and the hole under the door radiated a yellow light.

'What's the password?' a raspy voice signed from within.

'May the force be not with the jocks.'

The door was opened by Ernest; president of the Bullworth astronomy club, and the best groomed nerd on campus.

'What do you want Algie? It's two in the morning.'

Algie was let in, and he explained everything.

'I can't believe a girl actually talked to you! It's just like that pompous oaf Derby to try and ruin it for us geniuses!'

'I know, but what can I do about it?'

'Well, I was eavesdropping on two of the preppies the other day, and one of them said that everyone in our peer group looks the same, and they can't tell us apart.'

'How come?'

'Well, they had the gall to say that we're badly groomed and either fat or undernourished!'

The gall indeed! Mommy always said Algie wasn't fat, he was cuddly! Besides, it's bad to waste food! So what if he didn't bother to tidy his hair up? It took time that could be better spent on a last minute play on the Future Street Race game!

'Anyway,' Ernest continued, 'they think all nerds of the same build look the same. So, you could get someone else to fight the duel for you!'

'Hey, you're right! Anyone can fight Derby, if the price is right!'

With that, Algie bid Ernest a good night, returned to his room, and began to write. When he was done, he crept along the corridor, and slipped one through the doors of a couple of his peers in the Astronomy club. When the last one was finally posted, he returned to his room, removed the wet sheets, turned the mattress over and fell asleep, dreaming of mommy, chocolate and fairies.

At Eight o'clock the clocks went off like a firework without sparkles. Students made their way to school, for the morning breakfast club. At the school cafeteria, a couple of obese nerds were sat at a table, as instructed on Algie's notes.

'Can't you do it Melvin?' I'll give you my entire Grottos and Gremlins collection!'

'That black knight Derby requires at least a paladin, to even stand a chance of making it out alive.' Melvin was the most dedicated player of this popular RPG but it wasn't too hard to translate his words as a decline. If Melvin turned down grottos and gremlins stuff, the situation must be worse than he thought.

'How about you Fatty? I'll pay for an all you can eat buffet.' Algie didn't call him by this name out of spite. It was just his friend had been called this name so often that he began to introduce himself as Fatty Johnson. Even his closest peers had forgotten his real first name.

'No way man! I heard how good he is at fencing, _and_ that he hunts deer to use in his decorating!'

Tears began to swell in Algie's eyes. Not even his friends could help him.

'What am I going to do? The duel's this afternoon!'

'Say, isn't there an obese Greaser?' Melvin said as he turned to Fatty.

'That's right! The Greasers hate the Preppies, and they're pretty tough to boot!'

Algie's eyes widened

'So there _is_ someone willing to fight Derby! What's his name?'

The bell for morning art class rang.

'I'll tell you in class, so you can go get him before lunch. Right now, I've got a painting of a topless elf girl to finish!'

Meanwhile, Derby was looking in his mirror, in Harrington House. He took a sip from the wine glass in his hand. There was a knock at the door.

'Enter.' He announced. Biff came in holding a long box.

'Here are the weapons for your duel, Derby.'

'Excellent.' said Derby prolonging the vowels, in a sinister manner. 'Put it down over there.'

Biff did as instructed.

'I still don't see why you didn't just let me clobber him. I'd make sure he never looks Pinky ever again.'

Throwing his head back, Derby gave a chuckle.

'Oh come now, Biff, its more fun this way. Just think of the torture he's going through, waiting for the axe to drop.'

Biff was satisfied with this answer, and went to sit down. It was then, he noticed Derby's new jacket.

'Say, where'd you get that coat? Is it Aquaberry?'

Derby rolled his eyes.

'It's not just any coat, Biff it's a smoking jacket. It keeps the smell off your regular clothes, when you smoke tobacco.'

Biff was a tad confused 'But you don't smoke.'

'I know. I just think it makes me look sophisticated, while drinking a glass of wine.' He took another sip of his drink.

Biff was now surprised. 'I thought we weren't allowed to have alcohol on school grounds!'

'We're not. So I've had to make do with blackcurrant cordial.

The auto shop wasn't a place that Algie and friends ever visited, unless it was absolutely necessary, such as when it was time for shop class, or they went to gather machine parts, like an underground resistance, salvaging equipment from t he dark eerie scrap yards of an evil machine based empire. Up against the wall, taking the cigarette from his ear, and lighting it was the overweight greaser in his extra large leather jacket, with the greased back hairstyle of a hell's angel.

'Hi! I-I mean yo! Are you Hal Esposito?'

The biker shot a cloud of smoke at him.

'Who wants to know?'

'I'm Algie. I've got a little trouble with the Preppies.

In thought, Hal's eyes scanned the sky.

'Preppies huh? I'm listening…'

Algie told his tale of love at first sight with Pinky, the thrill of his endeavour to seduce her, and Derby's jealousy, leading to the duel.

Hal took a long drag and puffed the smoke out, like a snoring dragon.

'Sounds fun. But what's in it for me?'

'I'll make you the best man at our wedding!'

'Nah. I can't wait that long.'

'My stuffed hamster?'

'Try again, Einstein.'

'Ten dollars?'

'Deal!' Hal stubbed out his cigarette and stretched out like a big cat. Algie's face lit up like the street lights, after sunset.

'Alright! Now all we have to do is get you an astronomy club vest!'

The members of said club were gathered around a table finishing off their meals of liver, onions, and some strange stuff the lunch lady called le chat merde. If Fatty was more fluent in French, he probably wouldn't have ordered seconds.

They turned to see Algie entering the cafeteria. His face was red, and moist with tears. As he walked towards the table, he whimpered. He took his seat with his friends, folded his arms, and buried his head, breaking into louder sobs.

'What happened, Algie?' Earnest asked.

Algie looked up, red-eyed.

'He won't do it! Hal won't fight the duel!'

Fatty's jaw dropped, letting out breath that smelled a little worse than a dog. One more point to the le chat merde. He was shocked that he had failed to find the answer to his comrade's problem.

'Why not? Did the Preppie's make him a better offer?'

Algernon sat back and motioned his vest.

'He refuses to wear the Astronomy club vest!'

A gasp erupted from the table.

'Refuse to wear the vest! We're offering a non member the chance to wear our colours! How could he refuse to wear it?'

'H-he s-said,' hiccups were coming to the sobbing Algernon, 'that it'll c-cramp his style, and…and get him beaten up by the other greasers!'

They slumped back in their chairs.

'Well, the duel's not until this afternoon!' said Fatty, 'There could still be time to find someone!'

'Oh, what's the use!' with his face down on the table, Algie banged it with a clenched hand. 'Derby's powerful, he's rich, and he always gets away this kind of stuff! To even think about helping me out, you'd have to be some kind of anti-social psychopath who happens to be an excellent fighter, like Jimmy!'

Silence fell. Eyes met, before turning heads to meet another pair of eyes. Algie raised his head, speechless. Fingers pointed at each other before the room was enveloped in a united exclamation.

'Like Jimmy!'


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Algernon found Jimmy by the lockers. Algie was slightly puzzled by the fact that it was near his own locker, that he found Jimmy. But it was an emergency. So he'd ask about it later.

'Hey Jimmy, have you got a minute?'

'One minute's all I can spare.' He said.

Algie quickly explained the events of the last three chapters.

'I don't know.' said Jimmy, shaking his head. 'You still owe me for clobbering Biff for you.'

'I'll give you ten dollars!'

'Make it twenty. I charge extra for having to wear a disguise.'

'Deal!'

Algernon extended his hand to seal the deal with a shake. Jimmy declined.

'Let me just get the money out of my locker.' He turned. Jimmy had apparently left. He opened the locker anyway, to pay his hero later.

'**Where's that evildoer**?!' Seth roared, falling out of the locker.

Afternoon class went by slowly. At last, the bell rang. Algie went to the lockers, to meet Jimmy. But he wasn't there.

_Okay. Maybe he went to the lunchroom? Yeah! That's it! A quick snack, before the big fight!_

He ran down the stairs so fast he almost tripped. He swung into the cafeteria, and scanned it, for the stocky lad. Not a trace. All he saw was the lunch lady giving a wicked grin to a cat.

_Okay, maybe he had a snack already! _

He approached the lunch lady.

'Excuse me, have you seen Jimmy Hopkins?'

Edna the lunch lady turned with a yellow toothed smile.

'Last time I saw 'em he was headin' upstairs!' her voice was like a huge parrot trapped inside a lawnmower.

Algie raced back upstairs. He scanned for an open classroom. English looked open. He peered inside. Mr Galloway looked in a terrible state.

'Are you okay, sir?' Algie asked.

Galloway looked up with bloodshot eyes. He slumped back into his chair.

'It's not a good time, Alfie…no, sorry Algie'. He gave a hiccup. 'I'm just under the weather a little.' He put a hand to his stomach.

Since he said he was just a bit under the weather, and it was nothing serious, Algernon forwarded his question as to the whereabouts of Jimmy.

Galloway's eyes darted in every direction.

'Oh, Jimmy…he's…' he looked up to the heavens. 'He's um…go ask Ms Phillips! She'll tell you!'

'Thank you sir!' said Algie as he raced out the door. Mr Galloway gave a burp.

The parking lot was the usual hangout of the bullies and no place for the astronomy club members to be lurking. Algernon didn't have time to worry about that. He darted over to the car park. Everything was a blur; with the grey tarmac of the parking spots the only thing he could focus on. A car drove out. He saw the back of Ms Phillip's head. Jimmy must have been with her. What happened? Jimmy must have been caught committing some sort of crime. Ms Phillips must be taking him to the police.

It was 15:45 pm. Jimmy had let him down. Depending on someone else had been a complete waste of time. No one was going to get him out of the duel. He had to just face the music.

With a heavy heart, he went to meet his friends at the library. They gave him his Grottos and Gremlins master's robe. Earnest and Melvin walked behind, as his seconds. The other astronomy boys stood in two rows, with their yard sticks held high, saluting their soon to be departed comrade.

The came to the Minotaur statue, where the paths to the gym, auto shop, and Harrington house intersected. He could hear the Preppies laughing. The closer they came, the louder the arrogant laughter grew. Closer again. This time, they could make words out.

'What in the name of Satin's underwear are you wearing, Hopkins!'

Hopkins? Jimmy!

When they turned the corner, they saw Jimmy in an astronomy club vest, and what looked like a very silly wig. He was flanked by his own seconds. One was Pedro, and the other was Pete. A shy boy who didn't really belong to any peer group' in the school. Too small to be a jock, to lame to be a greaser, too poor to be a preppie, too nice to be a bully, and not dorky enough to be a nerd.

'Okay, so I'll admit the wig is lame.' said Jimmy, as he took it off, and threw it into the nearest garbage can. 'But at least I don't go around in an inside out raincoat.'

'**For the last time it's a bloody smoking jacket!**'

'Cut the tantrum, _Barbie_ and let's do this!'

'My fight isn't with you.' He clicked his fingers'. Two of his fellow Preppies went into the house, and escorted Pinky out.

'What's going on?' she asked, bewildered at the sight of her cousin/fiancé in a smoking jacket, Jimmy in a nerd suit, and the fat kid who helped her with her chemistry project in a badly made Harry Potter cloak.

Derby, his nostrils flaring like a purebred horse, turned back to our heroes.

'My quarrel is not with you Hopkins. It is with Algernon, over the hand of my cousin.'

Pinky's face turned a reddish pink, as her skin was becoming her namesake.

'I am a **Princess!** I am not some prize to be won!'

'That's a contradiction in terms!' cried Derby.

Jimmy pulled the nerd vest off, and handed it to Pete.

'Look, rich boy, what'll beating Algernon prove anyway? He's the most pathetic loser on campus. Even Pedro could clobber him!'

'I could?'

Algie reddened again.

'What are you getting at Hopkins?' said Derby, as if he were waiting for a salesman to finish his pitch, so he could set the dog on him.

'But if you beat me, the one who beat up your so called _boxing champ_- now that would be something.'

Derby's cruel smile returned, as Biff turned red with embarrassment and anger.

'Very well. Once I've defeated you, I'll have you wash my dishes, perhaps.'

One of Derby's minions handed Jimmy a beautifully crafted wooden stick.

'The game is single stick. I would have used fencing swords, but that's illegal unless we're both wearing helmets. And I wasn't going to lend Algernon him a helmet, since he obviously has dandruff.'

Jimmy and Derby made their fencing stance. Biff stood between as referee.

'First one to score three points wins.' He said. 'Begin!'

Round one began. Jimmy stabbed, but Derby dodged, tapped Jimmy's stick, and stabbed back, hitting the mark.

The Preppies sniggered. The nerds gasped. Jimmy's seconds looked nervous.

'Point to Derby!' Biff announced.

The duel had only just begun and already they were down by one point.

Jimmy recovered, and stabbed again. Derby was actually laughing. He easily parried Jimmy's thrust, and stuffed the weapon into his stomach. Winded, Jimmy stumbled back.

'Point to Derby!' Biff called again. One more point and the match would be his. He was an excellent fencer, having been able to afford tuition.

Jimmy stood firm, as Biff raised his arm, to announce the third round.

Algernon's blood ran cold. If Jimmy messed this up, he'd lose his Princess forever.

'Begin!'

Jimmy edged towards Derby. The villain sneered at him, like an eagle ready to snatch up a rat.

Suddenly, Jimmy threw down his weapon 'Aw, to hell with it!'

He ran at Derby, grabbed his stick, kicked him between the legs and wrenched the stick from his enemy. Jimmy smashed the stick in two, breaking it over Derby's back. The Preppies looked on in horror.

'Get him!' Derby cried, like the Sheriff of Nottingham, crying out for the defeat of Robin Hood.

The band of Preppies leapt into the area. Jimmy's face was covered with a huge grin. Now he was in his element- senseless brawling! The astronomy club were getting excited.

Jimmy gave the first pompous rich guy a shoulder tackle to the ribs, and flipped him over his back. The second ran like the wind, with a clenched fist ready for battle. He received a violent kick in the stomach, throwing him through the air, and crashing onto his back. What began as a gentlemanly contest, like Knights of old, jousting for a lady's favour had exploded into an outdoor barroom brawl, with Aquaberry flying all over the place. Pinky's face was going red. She clutched her heart, with both hands, and her breathing increased.

The nerds roared with cheering, as Jimmy once again exchanged blows with Biff. The tall preppie had a score to settle. Would it be a double knock to Jimmy, or would Biff get his revenge for the day before? The spectators couldn't wait to find out!

Algernon noticed something from the corner of his eye. Derby was staggering to his feet, with Jimmy's singlestick in his hand. He was hunched like Quasimodo and wore a grin more evil than the Disney version of Frollo. He edged towards Jimmy, whose back was turned, while he concentrated on blocking Biff's onslaught of fists. It was a sneak attack! Something had to be done!

Derby's scream threatened to deafen all around, as Biff fell to the ground. Jimmy turned. The blonde tyrant's face epitomized shock. Gasping, Derby pointed at Algie whose fists clenched with the rush of the first time in his life when he was the one giving the wedgie.

'You…you…!' Algernon was frightened. But he wouldn't let Jimmy down. He stood his ground. Even when Derby emitted a high scream. All who were watching looked shocked. Even Derby himself. Then Algie looked surprised. What was that between his legs? A shoe? Derby fell to the ground, clutching his naughty area in agony. Jimmy, standing behind him, wore a sly grin, as he pulled his extended leg back.

'That makes me the winner.' he gloated.

Algie looked. Preppies lay on the ground like the after match of a civil war. The nerds, and Jimmy's seconds cheered as if they were witnessing the final act of a play.

Jimmy, the hero of the hour surveyed the grounded bodies, and paced around, in preparation to give a new era speech.

'Listen up, you inbred hicks! I beat all of you into oblivion today, and I can easily do it tomorrow! Hell I can probably do this every day till I graduate!'

Derby rolled onto his back, still in pain from that last kick.

'Alright, we get your point' he wheezed, 'What do you want from us, Hopkins?'

Jimmy pointed at Algie and the other spectators.

'I'm giving you two choices, Harrington. From now on, you leave the nerds alone, or the police will _never_ find your bodies.'

Jimmy knew all the best hiding places to avoid prefects. He could _make_ it happen.

'Very well, Hopkins. We won't antagonise your friends anymore.'

Algie's face broke into an astonished open mouthed smile. No more bullying from the Preppies! Now he could ask for Pinky's hand without being reprimanded.

'Oh they're not my friends. Just acquaintances.' said Jimmy.

'Then…' Derby moaned 'Why did you do all this?'

Jimmy turned to face Pinky, giving a very sly smile. He stepped over like an alpha wolf.

'Because I heard Maid Marian was going to give a kiss to the winner.'

Pinky's blushing face gave a smile, as she touched her heart with one hand.

'Oh Jimmy…' Her hands cupped Jimmy's broad shoulders, as their lips connected.

While Jimmy's entourage and the astronomy club laughed and gave their rowdy approval, Algie stood unable to speak. Jimmy just kissed his princess. Jimmy, his rescuer, his friend had betrayed him!

Algie said nothing. In his head he said a lot. Things he wanted to scream out loud. His heartbreak may have driven him to actually bewail them if Seth's war cry of '**I will beat you for that!**' hadn't drowned out all other sounds.

'Later!' Jimmy said with a wink, as he leaped over the fence with Seth shaking his fist, running after him.

Pinky's hands came back to her chest.

'Wow…!' that single word summed everything up. Kirsten Dunst couldn't have put it better.

With a heavy heart, Algie walked away, knowing Jimmy would get away with it, due to three important facts-

1. Bad things never happen to Bad people

2. Good things never happen to good people

3. Seth is a doofus.

Later that day, Algernon walked through the Bullworth gates after visiting the market. He needed some antidepressants commonly known as chocolate. He kept turning it over in his mind. Jimmy kissing Pinky. It wasn't fair. Jimmy was a delinquent, who didn't even get on with his mom. Algie however was the apple of his mother's eyes. How could she have left him for Jimmy?

He headed over towards the library. Biff turned and walked in the opposite direction, when he saw Algie approach. At least it wasn't a total loss.

As he sat alone in the library, he felt a tap on his shoulder. It was Lola, the biker chick.

'Hey, are you Algernon the guy who helped that rich ditz, Pinky?'

He turned red. Lola had nice lips, and an exposed belly button.

'Yeah. Why?'

'Would you help me with my homework?'

_Oh boy!_

Good luck this time Algie! You may need it, when her boyfriend Johnny finds out!


End file.
